My Personal Battle

Sometimes you have to stop & think does it really matter what others think of you if you are okay with how you look…

Honestly, my personal battle with my body & how I look has been an ongoing battle for a long time.  It really started when I was in middle school & after that it just became worse.   Like most kids, I was very active and participated in many sports growing up – I would say I was good at most of them. I didn’t pay much attention to my body image; it wasn’t as important to me (I wasn’t a girly girl by any means) however, my body and physical appearance became other people’s jokes, or commentary, or reasoning to put me down or make me feel inferior to them. I was skinny all my life, I mean skinny, not even much muscle until I was in like 9th or 10th grade but I was a tom boy at heart and carried myself like so — not in a manner that one couldn’t tell I was female but in a manner where I didn’t prefer to wear dresses or skirts or anything fancy  — I was just okay with jeans and tshirt or something comfy like sweatpants. During my athletic career in sports, the locker room made me feel so uncomfortable for many reasons but the main reason being that I was uncomfortable having to undress in front of other people regardless of the situation & I always felt weird when people would glance in my direction — not to mention I tried to avoid all eye contact. As I grew older, it didn’t become any easier to do.

When it wasn’t people my own age making comments about my physique, it was adults at the time whom would question why I was so skinny or put me on the spot about my weight. It wasn’t like I didn’t eat or was starving, I ate good and loved food (still very much do) but my metabolism was fast. I stayed active all the time, I wasn’t much for being sedentary. When I got to be older, I got more and more frustrated with the comments because they were starting to target not only my weight, they would target my body parts and target my sex appeal or my clothing choices or target things about me that I couldn’t change.. and all I wanted to do was “fit in”. During college I started to care-less about my health/well-being; I was fed up with other people’s views and started eating and gaining weight, more weight than I wanted to but I was hurting inside & for awhile in denial about my weight gain. It took me several months to realize how out of control I had gotten with my weight and while I wasn’t obese, I was definitely by my standards overweight and not happy with it.   When I decided to lose weight and train, I decided that same day to do what felt good to me and what I liked, to be the weight and/or body type I wanted for myself and NOT what others expected of me.

It felt good coming out from the other side knowing I was happy with my body, my progress, my strength and not only was I looking the way I feel but I was feeling confident in my own skin.   If you have been down this road, then you know.. the feeling I am talking about.  Still til this day, I know what I expect of myself (many times I am super hard on myself) but I know it is because I want it and not because someone else does — which makes a huge difference. I still suffer internally when it comes to my body image and I doubt it will go away 100 percent but it is better than it was and I am learning to self care and self love; something I wasn’t educated on when I was younger.  For the most part, when you go through a personal battle, it seems like you are alone and you are fighting all the time, non-stop, it literally weighs on you, and brings you down and makes you think lowly of self BUT when you start to examine yourself in a different perspective & realize how much more important it is to be what YOU want and not what others what you to be, it is like rays of sunshine on a cloudy day (everything you do from that time on, is about you and what makes you happy & less about how others may view your body or image). It isn’t easy to find a balance, but it is possible.

FitnessWonderWoman

Shay-lon Moss

“Body Shaming”

 Before you decide to jump to conclusions based on the title & possibly assume that I am going to push some kind of agenda where everyone has to accept everybody’s body no matter what because it is the “right” thing to do & assume that based on my generation, I am super sensitive to the world’s words. Let me begin by saying, as a fitness professional I handle body image in such a way that is sensitive due to the fact most of my clients are very sensitive when it comes to their own body type — but this does not mean I don’t tell people the honest truth, because clearly it is my job to help my clients achieve fit goals and feel good about themselves & the only way I can do so, is if they know where they stand physically   — sometimes the truth hurts but it helps in the long run.

Being Blunt, Being Honest, Being Rude

Nothing wrong with being blunt if the tone matches your feelings toward the subject & you choose your wording wisely, nothing wrong with being honest if it means you are trying to help and not bring someone down & being rude shouldn’t be a thing — because there are so many other options in how to tell someone how you feel about their body without being an asshole .. #sorrynotsorry

When it comes to commenting on another human’s body image, words are everything, and how you choose to use them should be taken into consideration (regardless if it is a compliment) because sometimes compliments come off somewhat over the top and make people feel just as uncomfortable as something someone would say that is rude or disrespectful — I would know because I have had compliments where I would have rather not have received it.  I have also been on the other end of the spectrum where I unintentionally offended someone about their body at my place of work (a hard pill to swallow since I have a hard time with my own body, let alone would not go out of my way to make anyone feel out of place about their own)  somehow my choice of words about myself made them feel some type of way about themselves & that is when I realized “damn! body-shaming doesn’t even have to be directly about someone, some people feel more offended when you say something negative about yourself & for some reason triggers them to feel some type of way about themselves.  Due to that incident, I am way more cautious about my own commentary about my body around other people BUT in the same sentence, I do believe those same people need to take a step back and realize it isn’t always about them.. #truth

Your body, Your Business

It is true, your body is none of my business UNLESS you come to me for help — with that being said, my opinions, feelings and overall commentary stays to myself unless I am asked otherwise to share them. If the world chose to live by this philosophy, body-shaming wouldn’t be as abundant.

My Profession doesn’t qualify me to make comments in every situation.

I draw the line in my profession between saying something constructive and walking away from a situation and/or circumstance because it doesn’t require my knowledge or comment(s). More times have I had to walk away than debate with an individual on their body image or health/well-being.  When I have clients put themselves down & talk negatively about their body, I usually change the subject or hone in on the exercise we are doing because it is outside of my scope of practice to be a psychologist and talk them through their mental health — I want to be supportive but I don’t want to dive too deep & end up in a bad situation — technically in my line of work;  telling he and/or she is good looking, or has a nice body is unprofessional.  Some trainers may feel differently about this, but I always find ways around a client’s negative attitude toward themselves by first listening and only listening (allowing them to vent their thoughts out loud) but then eventually I try to make the subject light and fluffy with comments about the weather or perhaps asking them about something that doesn’t cycle back to their body; such as family, work, the pets, or even talk about their form during an exercise so we can hone in the correct muscles. As a trainer and/or coach you have to learn to shield yourself (I will talk about this in a future post) because it can be mentally draining to take on so much negativity at once; especially when you have a full schedule and no breaks. 

Bottom Line:

There is no one way fits all when it comes to deciding how to speak upon a person’s body image. People handle situations differently and react differently towards certain words and descriptions & sometimes even react when we talk about ourselves.  It is always best to play it safe and be sensitive towards others — but it doesn’t mean you can’t be honest and share knowledge that could help someone — learning when to say something and how to say it is KEY, but also treating people as individuals and getting to know that person in order to make the right decisions about how one goes about addressing body weight and a person’s looks is also KEY.

FitnessWonderWoman,

Shay-lon Moss

The scale..

Scale knowledge & scale obsessions

It seems to me people use the scale for self gratification & less for health.  When you look on the scale and see that you lost weight, what comes to mind? What comes to mind when you see you have gained weight? The scale has managed to scrutinize people’s perspective on fitness and health.   It’s being used to give superficial achievement and recognition, chews at a person’s self esteem and causes one to obsess over their weight.  Scales are useful, I agree.  I just want to know what will it take for people to see past a number and look at the whole picture.

the whole picture is: the number is the answer, but the solution is what you do with that answer.

For someone like myself, I have to rely on the scale when preparing for my powerlifting competitions. Not my favorite aspect of the sport but I understand the importance of it when it comes to tallying up our weight classes.   When I am in my off-season, the scale is behind me because I don’t like managing my weight so closely —  it adds unnecessary stress to my day and causes me to panic about something that isn’t worth the panic (especially since I already struggle with body image issues).   Telling you to not use the scale isn’t why I made this post, because again I have to use it, but sharing insight and creating a positive outlook will help you identify ways to overcome negative effects the scale might cause for certain individuals.

Rule of thumb when using a scale —  try to be consistent about when you use it, where it is placed in the house and what you are wearing.  All of the above can impact the number.  Secondly,  if by using the scale, it becomes too stressful or overwhelming and fills you with anger/frustration; walk away from it and don’t look back (mental health is important!). Sometimes it is best to take a break from weigh ins and focus on the overall appearance of one’s self — how do your clothes fit? any new muscle definition showing? THEN take a look at the overall scope of things: how have you been sleeping? do you have more energy? do you feel more focused? etc.  <—– all of which are important factors in health/wellness.     Not just about how you look , but how you feel is just as important.

The scale used in medical practices:

Now wait a minute, I know many of you medical field doctors, nurses, physical therapist, and people in the fitness profession will say the scale plays a vital part in BMI measurements and creates a starting point for the patients you deem necessary to lose weight.  This is true, BMI is still recognizable by a lot of health professionals & used widely & yes it does give a visual as far as something a patient or client can follow easily  — but, this is where we can change how the scale is used in order to create results and not just orders (nobody likes being barked at, or reminded about their weight) — so if we want to continue using the scale for such reasons, expect it to harm the mentality of many people because not everyone will walk away understanding the importance of health & well-being based on a number on a machine,  the small percentage of people who do understand will be fine — but the other numbers will give up because they aren’t educated on how this number translates to their daily living (if at all)

Oh, and I realize we like to list off health conditions that can stem from being overweight or under weight but again, sometimes it doesn’t translate to their daily living or lifestyle, they need to know that by getting diabetes, how that can hinder or add on obstacles. I like putting things into perspective so there is a mutual understanding as to why this weight loss and/or weight gain should be made priority or at least somewhat important to them as it is to us to help them.

The Lasting Impression:

Nothing is perfect, we are all human and we make mistakes, we fail and sometimes life is hard.. I would know, trust me! but the scale doesn’t have to be an enemy , it doesn’t even have to be used at all to be honest if you don’t want to — but if you are making a choice to use it then know ahead of time that a number simply is just a beginning & what you do when you see that number is the first step in deciding how you use it.

A scale is only a scale, we determine what that number means to us. 

Mentality First

Much like yesterday’s post, we are going to talk about “mentality” and dig into why this is important for wanting to start your fitness journey — and what it means to put “mentality” first.

For many of us we have to be in the “mood” to do something that we really don’t like doing, or something that requires us to put forth more energy than we normally would want to do. It isn’t necessarily a “bad” thing, rather a red flag — and red flags normally tell us something is amiss. When it comes to working out, eating better, and increasing our water intake, not everyone feels the way I do when it comes to general fitness and the overall well-being of one’s health; that is totally fine because I don’t want everyone to think the same way as me — but in the same sentence, I do want people to prioritize these task because the future you depends on it.

Before you ask me, “how do I get started, when I don’t like working out, and I like the foods I eat” or perhaps your comment will say “I have tried and it just isn’t for me” and this one is used a lot as well “I have a busy schedule, there is no room for taking care of myself” — these are all very real statements that might hold truth, but all of these have solutions.. but patience is key & if you have that down, you will do fine. Without patience, this journey will feel like a chore, and it will bore you and you will quit soon after you start.

Solution One: if you simply don’t like working out, then find activities that you do enjoy: sports, manual labor work, cycling, etc. If you don’t have hobbies — find some. It isn’t hard to pick up something that you haven’t done before or that interest you, it will require risking your time and learning. Quite honestly, if nothing more than parking the furthest from the grocery store, taking the stairs instead of elevator to the office, sitting on a stability ball instead of a chair, stretching when you wake up or before bed, taking yoga classes online. Things will open up when your mentality changes & you don’t hold negative energy in place of something positive. Exercise doesn’t have to be in the gym and it doesn’t have to be something mundane.

If you enjoy what you are eating – EAT IT! simple as that, but while eating it, think about what it is you are eating that might be holding you back from feeling less bloated, making you feel the urge to binge eat, making you feel sluggish, or simply just recognize that nutrition comes in various forms and nothing has to be expensive, or eaten all the time in order to achieve results. Changing your mentality about food is changing the way you feel about food — food is fuel for the body and mind. Good fuel for the body and mind fills our stomach, allows us to function more efficiently and makes us feel good.

Solution Two: Just because you try something once, or twice or a million times over doesn’t mean you have to stop trying. Think of fitness/health as a trial & error, we don’t get things right the first time, then we change up a few things and keep trying and eventually it will work. Honestly, even if the profession I am in, I always have to trial and error on myself and others, it doesn’t stop & it actually makes things fun because you learn more about yourself along the way. We are constantly on a voyage and we don’t stop rowing because the journey is long, we just take our time & pace ourselves and continue to row forward. The mentality change here is being prepared to try, try, try, try again and don’t quit because of one mistake and don’t quit when you think you are failing. Ask for help, research it, or keep experimenting in a safe way.

Solution Three: First of all this whole “I don’t have time for me” needs to stop today. I will continue to tell you, you are important and while being selfless is a great trait, being selfish can save your life when necessary. Self care is IMPORTANT, a key ingredient when it comes to fitness/wellness/health/and mental health as well — without self care we fall hard and end up in dark places in our lives that seem cold and makes us fearful, angry, sad, and can destroy your career, family, friendships, self. This solution needs to be from within, you taking a stand and saying I am putting myself first today — it doesn’t have to be the whole 24 hours and it doesn’t have to be everyday to start but it can be 5 minutes each week, it can be anything that makes you happy for that amount of time and clears your mind and keeps you balanced — it is your thing, your place, your shield — find it and use it and continue to use it. Goodness, I didn’t even know about self care until I reached my late 20s (I am 28) when a friend of mine was talking to me about it and how important he makes it to take care of his physical but also his mental health and shields himself from negative energy and focuses on him & his happiness, his “Zen” . I will tell you, I now have taken my self care more seriously since 2021 and I will definitely continue to and will find new ways to do so, because I like having options and sometimes one works more than the other but all of them are great. For some people, buying new clothes/shoes, or perhaps taking yourself out to dinner, watching your favorite movie, participating in a class or doing yoga, drinking coffee outside on the patio, listening to music while in your thoughts, etc. whatever it may be, it doesn’t matter as long as it is safe and brings you peace, happiness and clarity.

So now you see how mentality is a BIG part of getting started in any journey in life, and it can determine how you conquer obstacles, how you react to situations, and it helps to put things into perspective. Give this some thought, and really think about how your mentality today can change what you do tomorrow.

Thanks for reading,

FitnessWonderWoman,

Shay-lon Moss

Change your way of thinking

When I first wrote this post, it was back in December of 2015 (my second blog post) and I read through it, and decided that since then my thoughts have changed. I first initially wrote this on the terms of being “fit” and based on a body type that society feels we should have to fit in with what is trendy —While all of this is still somewhat true in 2021. I wanted to expand on this and not just talk about body image but also the way we think of ourselves. I wanted to start 2021 with a meaningful post and this won’t be the only post that I decide to update.. as a matter of fact, I am going to go through all my older post and update them if necessary and rewrite them and stick with it, all the while, I will still add new content on fitness/health/mental wellness.. but I wanted to update my blog for 2021 and stick to this and do what I set out to do when I first started blogging; become a professional blogger/writer, and to inform and grow. I intend to also start podcasting once I have more research down (and yes, I will stick to it, even when shit gets hard and I want to give up) I am going to plan things out and do things that make me happy and set aside things that don’t support me, don’t motivate me and don’t fit in with the plan I have with my career, my future, my emotions, my mindset. This will be a rocky start but hopefully it will unfold slowly & bring back the audience I once had, bring back the feelings I once had, bring back the peace I need in my life, and bring back some good memories with a dose of a new adventure along the way. I have made so many apologizes, that I don’t expect anyone to actually follow but this time I have a plan and my plan is blog and continue to live life on my terms whenever possible. I might not blog daily or blog with lengthy post but I will blog weekly to begin with and allow my writing to increase to the point where I am blogging more and speaking with my peers more and growing within.

So let’s begin with this “change the way you think” — for a while this was what I thought I was doing & I thought I was successful in doing so, but recently found out my success was short term and didn’t plan for my future obstacles ahead. I still don’t have this down 100 percent quite yet, but I am learning more about change and changing the way I think in order to get the best results physically, mentally and overall in my life. This will be a slow process for most of you, because we think the way we think based on multiple factors but we don’t always know how to change it when we believe what we say is true about ourselves. Yeah, this is where things start to get a little deep — what do we think of who we are as individuals? Like do you love yourself? do you truly enjoy being in your skin? Do you truly believe the compliments people give to you? There was probably a time in your life you believed everything someone once said that made you feel unstoppable, beautiful, on top of the world.. ? Yeah, I did too, many of times actually. All those times I believed it, those same people ended up hurting me. It is 2021 and I had someone tell me I was gorgeous — can you believe that? a word reserved for someone out of my league but they said it a lot, but not too many times. This same person told me “You are great, you know that?” and honestly, I had never received that compliment before in all my 28 years, hardly even close to something to that caliber. How can I be great? how in the 3 months of knowing someone can they actually tell me that I am great? it seems odd but I liked it secretly because it was different and because I always believed I would eventually do something great in my life — so yeah I know what it is like to believe someone else about myself. The problem is when that person shows less interest, or becomes harder to talk to, or the conversations seem stagnant, or perhaps you have a bad day and all you want is for that person to come through — like say anything that might put a smile on your face just for a second so you know shit is okay — that everything they said is still holding true. You can say this person is my crush – we aren’t dating and we met in Oct of 2020. I had no expectations going in, but now I have realized I put too much expectations on myself because I am trying to figure out why I don’t feel great anymore, why I don’t believe I am “gorgeous” anymore, and I know exactly why, it is because I didn’t have the mindset I needed to believe it about myself — I went in hoping someone would change my mindset for me, but that doesn’t work people; you have to change it on your own and have good intentions — be kind to yourself (because when someone throws you the compliment, it won’t be shocking, it will feel good, and you will know it is true because you know your worth) that is it, “your worth”.

So yes, don’t follow societies rubric on what your body type should be, and don’t allow numbers on a scale to diminish your happiness, and don’t go into this fitness journey or mental health journey in hopes someone will change your mind about yourself — instead go in with the intentions of knowing ahead of time that in order to get the results you want, you have to 1st know your worth and secondly change your mindset to something that fuels you and empowers you to handle obstacles as they come but to be proud of yourself. You are gorgeous, you are great! you don’t need me to tell you, because when you leave this post, you should be telling yourself. Every. Single. Day.

FitnessWonderWoman,

Shay-lon Moss