Selfie- A photograph that one has taken of oneself, typically one taken with a smartphone, or webcam and shared via social media.

The selfie; duck lips, body pics, friend pics, smile pics.  It is notorious for having the same person in all the pictures; ourselves.  It has taken over social media, was made into a song, created to be a tool,  now its the way we see ourselves in the mirror. Who needs a mirror when you have phone & an audience ready to give you the “okay” on how you look.  Does anyone not know how to take a selfie and share it with all their peers, or is that an automatic thought.  Between the selfie stick and our music this generation may be doomed.  

I have taken selfies, as a matter of fact, I can almost guarantee all my pictures in my phone are based around selfies & the minority are the ones I have taken without me in it.  I am not against picture taking, of course not; I love art & everything that comes with it, but the minute we decided to use duck lips was when I realized this was going to be another fad we follow that dies.  I had someone share something with me that I decided to look into more & inquire about because it went along with my “body shaming” topic and also made sense as to how the mind works. 

This particular person threw a curve ball at me saying “taking selfies causes more problems then it does curing them”. I had to ponder on this for a bit to give myself understanding about what this person was telling me.  Finally after a while, I decided I would talk about this with all of you and share my personal opinion & maybe share some interest and facts about this Selfie lifestyle. People take selfies for many reasons:

Some reasons are better than others and have more meaning. Taking a closer look into things, I have researched information that follows: most people take these pictures to be accepted.  Take this how you want to, and believe what you want to believe but do think about this for a second because it kinda makes sense in this day and time.  For young people, nothing is better than having someone compliment you and prove their like for you than to like something you posted about yourself.  Outer appearance makes the world go round and is the difference between being “beautiful” and ” “ugly” (which sucks) unfortunately this also means in order to take these pictures and have a decent amount of fans, sometimes you have to explore all your options and risk more. I have noticed on my facebook, if you don’t have filters more than likely your natural look gets less likes & less likes= less people who think you are pretty/attractive and when people don’t think you are attractive that means=you feel ugly. 

This is the perfect equation for selfies. More likes= more attractive, more attractive=more attention, more attention=more fans, more fans= possible friends, more friends= popularity, popularity=self gratification, more self gratification=narcissism & at some point someone will disagree and say self gratification= more confidence, more confidence= more self esteem, more self esteem= happier, more happy= the higher chance of a better life? Either way, the end result only benefits yourself; which in the end means self absorbed because you’re thinking only about you. This is supposedly the good about selfies. 

Lets talk about the bad. Less likes/no likes= less attractive or not attractive, not attractive/less attractive= less fans, less fans/no fans= less possibility of making friends, less/no friends= loser/not popular, not popular/loser=no gratification, no gratification=no self confidence, no self confidence=low self esteem, low self esteem= negative thoughts, negative thoughts=self harm, self harm= possibility of death and/or hospitalization. 

So now you are sitting here thinking, what are the chances of someone caring enough of what others think? why would someone post pictures to for “likes”?  The ” I don’t care what others think” attitude starts to come through to hopefully make you feel better about yourself. WHICH FAILS, because in the end you can’t let go of the fact you only received 10 likes versus the next girl/guy who always manages to get 100+ likes/followers. I just want to know what part of this people don’t understand. Selfies aren’t a bad thing.. sure.. until something bad happens and makes you rethink your pictures and how you respond to comments. 

So when we breakdown all the uses for selfies, we come up with no matter what it is for self & the problem with self, is we don’t have anyone who is willing to think about someone else if it means they have to win this competition of most followers, most likes, prettiest pictures, most filters used.,ect. This game of who can take the best selfies is just a game that should be kept as fun instead of making it into a gigantic ball of favoritism. Who cares if you have 200 friends on facebook versus the 5,000 of someone else who knows only 200 of them. Let the truth be told, your picture is no less beautiful because you didn’t get all the “barbie and ken” dolls on board. I have to admit this, I have NEVER had more than 30 likes on a picture.. & more than 100 followers on instagram and my twitter account just proves my relevance in this community; haha ( I don’t take any of these sites damn serious) because when I take pictures they are in my phone and I don’t feel the need to post them for extra exposure all the damn time. Sometimes I like being able to laugh at the chick who has 100+ likes because she had to show her cleavage to do so.. & her pretend “I just left the gym picture” that proves her vain mindset knowing damn well she never touched the gym in her life just wants a reason to show off her body in her leggings..

Now don’t get wrong, I am a pretty girl. I have no issue showing off my body either.. trust me. I could work extra hard and take selfies of every aspect of my life and routine to gain exposure and be accepted, but I choose not to because I don’t have the time on my hands to do so and I prefer the “every once in a great” while take a picture of me with my friends. I use snapchat but I don’t care how I look when I’m sending my friends a snap; they have seen me enough times during the good and bad to know I am not perfect. I don’t need someone to give me the “thumbs up” on how I look, I decide that for myself; I don’t need my “head blown” up or a confidence boost. If I want someone’s opinion, I’ll ask for it. Now for those of you who have high expectations of yourself and your photos, kudos for you. Drive yourself mad, and question your beauty, not my problem.  Just make sure to keep your self righteous opinions of others to yourself. I would highly appreciate it.  

“A selfie doesn’t make you any prettier on the inside”  -Shay-lon Moss

Thank you for reading, please comment, share, follow, and like.  

Sincerely,

Your Blogger Shay-lon

Transparency 

” Sometimes being invisible feels like the only cure” -Shay-lon Moss

   Today someone told me to write about “how I felt being transparent”.  I had to think about this quite a bit, because yesterday was hard for me to write about my personal battle with weight/body shaming & I wasn’t sure how well it would go over.  I found out, it has really touched many people’s hearts and I am so honored to have done this.  You will have to excuse me, if my mind slips into sadness while I type because this isn’t easy opening up to people who only know me by my words.  

For a moment in my life, being transparent was an “American Dream”, to know everyone knows you, sees you, deems you somewhat important & perceives you as model citizen.  It was a small town so being transparent was important if you wanted to be liked.  For most people, this is what we live for: being loved, liked, watched, applauded, idoled, and glorified in front of many.  It almost seems unreal how I went from being the only black girl in my class/sport to the girl who was skinny, athletic, well liked, deemed smart and very good friends with some of the towns more elite class. Now race doesn’t seem necessary to mention but in my case I want to make sure everyone understands my background. I didn’t hide behind walls when people praised me, I didn’t run from demons when people laughed, I didn’t cry when people judged. I didn’t do this in front of people, I did this when I was alone. Sometimes my appearance slipped and people noticed & people made comments.  I had no idea how much I hated being transparent until I realized how much I hated myself. 

I perceived all this attention as a good thing, as a way to keep my popularity and make people like me, I assumed it worked; only because I seen how other people handled this same pressure and they smiled everyday the same smile.  My arrogance got the best of me some days..when I felt on the up and up.. I made sure I looked down on others, when I felt closed off & beaten down.. I made sure to ignore anyone and everyone. I was a kid, I was lost and all I wanted was to be just like them, them meaning the pretty, the perfect body, the frilly hair, the devious smile, the talk of the school, and the meaningless relationships just so I could be accepted amongst my peers.  What did it feel like being transparent? Hell. For every time I messed up, someone was there to remind me. I was a mistake in the making; my body kept me safe because it was the only thing “I thought was perfect” but then, then someone had to take away my safe place & I was left with nothing but tears. Being skinny was supposed to be everyone’s goal, everyone was supposed to envy me because I made sure I looked like all the others but instead everyone found a flaw, a reason to take away my smile, a reason to walk all over me, and way to make me feel less beautiful.   

Do you suppose it was because they were insecure? I don’t know. I can’t answer that, because I never got the chance to ask.  Middle school bullying at its making, I tell ya.  People are assholes for no reason sometimes.. we may never know why for sure.  High school was just a way for girls to put other girls on a pedestal and break the hearts of the ones who only had a small bit of self esteem left. Technically, high school was just a remake of middle school for me but older.  I could tell you all my horror stories but it won’t help you, strengthen you, empower you or make you feel better about yourself.  I still battle with my inner demons sometimes.  

It’s okay to feel ugly, to feel alone, to feel not wanted; because in the end you are challenging yourself to find out what makes you feel beautiful, loved, needed. I found out, my beauty stemmed from making others feel good about themselves; I was able to be happy with my body & never made anyone feel like theirs wasn’t “perfect” because in the end I knew there is no such thing.  I felt loved when I surrounded myself with those who encouraged me, motivated me, and supported me. I felt the most needed when someone needed a smile, a compliment, a good day… I felt needed when I started this major because I felt that there was not enough people who appreciated themselves. The skeletons in our closets that hold the remains of our past sometimes make our future more bright.  I didn’t know back then I would have such a love for fitness and health because of how people body shamed me, I never thought I would be so inclined to help mankind change their views on “fat” & “skinny”, who knew something so small could make people look differently in the mirror. It’s okay to have flaws, to be transparent means to shine, to stand out & to be who you are in front of everyone.  No more hiding, closing off, ignoring, pushing away; it’s time that you be transparent in your life.

If this post does nothing else but make you think for a couple of seconds of how you view yourself and others, I have done my duty for today.  “Only those who seek to be seen will shine” -Shay-lon Moss

Thanks for reading my blog post for today, please share, comment, like & Follow.

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Sincerely,

Your blogger Shay-lon